my death wish cloaked in stupidity

I have got to stop giving other motorists the stare whenever they get under my nerves... My mom says it's going to get me killed. And it's the first time I'm starting to think it just might.

Today I stared at some middle-aged driver with his wife right beside him until my eyes hurt from not blinking. And he only slightly cut me off twice (slightly because I half-expected him to cut me off, as his imaginary lane was bound to merge with mine). Small offense, compared to what you encounter on the road everyday driving 1 hour to and from work. Later I felt just a tad bit uncomfortable, which then grew. It was someone a lot older than me, after all, and I never knew if he was running late, or already peeing in his pants, or having a bad day or experiencing some cranky manifestation of middle age crisis.

Whether travelling with a passenger or not (and whether or not it's my parent/s), my reactions to careless drivers is always the same. I get irritated, and then I try to catch the attention of the erring driver by staring at him through his side mirrors or tailing him just a little too closely.

I've always been that way, ever since I realized that you cannot expect everybody - practically anybody - to abide by some form of driving etiquette. My philosophy has always been that I'm not consuming your space or causing you any trouble or offending you by my actions, so please don't get in my way.

I knew it then, but I've realized it now... You cannot keep a tight grip on some standards that are inapplicable to the environment you move around in. Even the law accomodates the limitations of people, or of circumstances. Cruising around town with mindless jerks who don't know their left turn from their right requires you to be an offensive and patient driver, not an even more aggressive one (pointing a finger to our drivers' licensure system, which is far too lax to allow some form of regulation over the quality of drivers allowed to roam the streets).

Even if I ignore that pertinent fact, there's the obvious issue of you not knowing what kind of monster you'll be bumping into on the road today. A bad temper and a gun at hand is a bad combination, as numerous tragic incidents in the past have proven. You never know if the guy you just overtook, intentionally or unintentionally, is some road-raging madman with a handgun stowed in the compartment.

Even as a worker, as a parent, as a teacher, as an employer, as a friend, as a classmate, as a girlfriend, as a husband, as a living, breathing, functioning human being, you're supposed to know that you have to, and that you will adapt to your surroundings, and adjust to the people around you.

Yet why does my temper get the better of me all the time? Is it because driving gives me some sort of anonymity, since I'm hid behind tinted car windows, giving me a boost of boldness?.. No, I don't think so, I've rolled down my window out of annoyance (madness, yes, that too) far too many times in the past. Do I vent all my frustrations, all my anger, all my bottled up rage and exasperation, in the most mundane task of driving? Is it because of pride or arrogance, that I cannot give way when I have to?

All this thinking has driven me (pun not intended) to this firm resolution. I shall, with all my humanly summon-able might, avoid challenging or provoking other motorists who have inconvenienced me in any way.

Which makes this - day ONE. I just hope I'm not on somebody's death list yet..